*** GAY CONTENT WARNING ***
If you're not comfortable with gay content, now would be a good time to jump over to The Onion and read something funny.
Ever since I started writing this blog, I have wanted to write some posts that contain higher-than-normal gay content. I have refrained from doing so largely because there are a lot of friends that I haven't come out to yet. That is, I believe most of my friends already know this about me, but there are a lot of people with whom I haven't had specific 'coming out events'. I hope my gay and lesbian friends can agree with me on this: The first three or four times you come out to people you love, it's very special. The next three or four times it's a comfort issue— that is, life would just be easier if these people knew. After that, it's a fucking chore. There have been several posts on this blog in which I have mentioned the gay thing without going into any detail and that's mostly been so the people who didn't know for sure could figure it out. Think of it like one of Reverend Moon's mass weddings: If I never told you personally, then today is your special day. Get ready to throw your bouquet!
So I'm bringing all this up because I want to rant about a few things tonight.
I'm not comfortable in most bars, gay or straight. I like a quiet piano bar, where you can sit at a table and talk to someone. But, if you have to yell across the table and every fifteen minutes some guy stumbles into you and sloshes beer on your clothes then walks off with a "Sorry, Dude."— well, that's just not my bar. So, without the bar scene, I use the online world to meet men. Admittedly, it's a sad second-place way to meet someone. But, at the end of the night, I don't have to wash the beer smell out of my shirts.
If you've never tried to meet someone online— and I imagine this is true in the straight world as well— you're really missing out. You're missing out on the highest concentration of losers. Anywhere. And I realize that I have to enumerate myself in that group. I have done some 'flake' things over the years, but on the whole I try to behave well.
Take, for instance, my most recent encounter. I posted an ad on CraigsList, and a seemingly nice guy wrote back. We exchanged several emails over the next few nights and agreed on a lunch meeting. Now, over the course of this email exchange, this guy never asked about a physical description of myself, nor was there any discussion of swapping pictures. This is highly circumspect behavior! Usually 'stats' are exchanged by the second or third email— and that's generally when I lose my emailers' interest as big is *not* beautiful in the gay world. If the guy on the other end doesn't ask about me, I generally assume his self-image is as low as mine. But, this time around I got the feeling there was something he was hiding, and I suspected age. So, without him asking, I sent a picture of myself. He said he didn't have one to send back, but, in his opinion, he was a few pounds heavier than I and a few years older. Long story short, when we met for lunch, he was at least two decades older than I. Lunch was miserable for me, and I have not spoken with him since. I'm not interested dating a man twenty years my senior or twenty years my junior. There's no connection there.
Tonight I had my Trillian up for a short while. (Trillian can chat in AIM, Yahoo, ICQ, and MSN all in one interface. Very handy.) Almost immediately I got a chat pop-up from some guy I cut off about a year ago. This guy and I had chatted a few times over the course of a few weeks and seemed to share some mutual interests. But, getting him to say anything was like pulling teeth. His big thing is to stay 'invisible' so he can see who's online without them seeing him. So, at any given time, his chat box might pop-up without one knowing in advance that he was online. When doing so, his initial outburst was usually "?" or "Hi". If I didn't answer within a minute or so, he would say something like "You don't want to talk to me?" If I responded that I was cool with talking to him, another minute or two would pass before he got even more bent. After a few conversations I figured out what was going on so I started toying with him. I would only send back a comment the same length as his and opening no subject for a conversation. That really got to him. He was popping up out of nowhere, volunteering no topic to discuss, and expecting me to drop everything I was doing to initiate the conversation myself. I called him on it one night, about a year ago, and explained why he wasn't getting anything from me in return, and he got pissed off and dropped offline. Thankful, I didn't see him for about six months, but sometime ago he started dropping his little "?" comments again. Sometimes I might even get "???". I just close the conversation box now. But, tonight, I really wanted to send back a nasty response asking him how many times I have to ignore him before he'll figure it out.
The other online goofball who bugs me is a man whom I started chatting with about 2½ years ago now. We seemed to really hit it off and quickly agreed that we should get together and meet each other. He lives in L.A. so it seemed like a real possibility... until I started to ask him when we should meet. (Remember, he said he was gung-ho on the idea of meeting as well.) At first I would hear things like "Well, I'm going up north to visit someone and won't be back for a few weeks." So, I'd wait a few weeks, and we'd chat online, both of us very much into it. Then the subject would come up again, and his excuse would be something like "Well, things are really crazy at work right now." Maybe I'm stupid for letting this go on for so long, but even after umpteen excuses, we could chat for hours online. There's no way he was hanging around online for so long and chatting with me so often without an interest on his part. It's just that his interest falls short of meeting face to face. Frankly, I have to guess that he has lied about his life and doesn't want me to find out. So, he keeps putting things off. Finally, a few weeks ago, I called him on it and asked why he keeps stalling. I asked him to explain what was preventing us from getting together. His response was that he didn't see anything wrong and that things just haven't worked out. That's when I decided I was done with him. I've put in my time. So, when he popped up a chat window tonight, I just logged out. I didn't feel up to getting all emotional with him tonight. I'll explain all to him soon.
Well, I could go on, but I should save something for future posts. The online world isn't all bad. I have had some good encounters as well. I met my one and only super-brief relationship online, and I have had a fun sporadic sexual relationship with one of LAPD's finest after meeting him online. But I suppose I'm just bragging now. :-D
Until next time.
"It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted, we are told that we didn't give enough."— Quentin Crisp
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