First of all, there is a spot running on ABC.com that is driving me nuts. You've probably never seen it— I don't believe it's an air-able commercial— but I have to endure it one or more times every time I watch an episode of Lost on the website. It's a spot about their own show, Wipeout. In the spot, the host of the show is talking to the producer of the show. Ostensibly, they're going to show us how exciting Wipeout is. The name of the mimbo show host is not given, nor should it be. He's just another pretty face exploiting his 15 minutes of fame, and two years from now he'll be on some 'celebrity' reality show. Or he'll be in rehab. Anyway, he is wearing a swim suit and appears to be ready to run the Wipeout obstacle course. He announces that he's here to talk to the producer of Wipeout. I'll paraphrase a few of their lines:
Mimbo: "I'm here with the producer of Wipeout, and he's going to give us a rundown of the course."
Producer: "This is what we tell all the contestants."
Mimbo: "Great. How about a few hints since I work for ABC?"
Producer: "I'm going to tell you only what I tell the contestants."
Mimbo: "That's fair."
That's fair? Mimbo, did you even bother to listen to the conversation you were participating in? Do words fly out of your mouth so fast, that you can't screen them for logic or rationality? Let's look at what happened. The producer told you he was going to give you the same rundown he gives to all the contestants. You asked him if he could hook you up with a little extra knowledge, and he shut you down completely. Then you said, "That's fair." What's fair about it? You asked for something extra, and the producer didn't budge an inch for you. On a scale of 0-to-100, where '0' represents the producer's end and '100' represents your request, your negotiation came up '0'. The producer totally shut you down without even a whiff of compromise. Where's 'fair' in that? Hunh? Answer me, Mimbo.
Yes, the answer to your question is that I have seen that spot too many times...
My second rant is less kind. I know I'm not the most attractive person in the world. I know I don't always appear in public with my best face on. Once or twice a week I go through my day without a shower. My beard is frequently unshaven. I wear shorts all the time when maybe my legs aren't all that good looking. I certainly don't have the chest or stomach to wear tee shirts that well either. All that means that I know I'm no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow— but at least I am conscious of my presence around others. At least I am aware of what effect I may be producing, and I take steps to minimize anything unpleasant when I can. (For instance, if my hair is unwashed, I will usually put on a hat in public.)
So, my question is this: Why the fuck do people go to the grocery store looking and acting like it's just another room in their own damn house? I am seriously tired of this. The grocery store is where my food is being stored until I can afford to bring it home. You lazy mother-fuckers need to get back in your cars, go home, wash your face and your hands, and put on a shirt that doesn't have holes the size of grapefruits in it. And put on some shoes while you're at it. If you rolled out of bed in the morning and put on a muumuu then stepped into some house slippers, that's fine. But the muumuu and the house slippers stop at the door— especially if your muumuu is so threadbare that we can see your bra and/or other undergarments beneath it. Take a look at yourself in the mirror if you need to. Maybe your family accepts you for who you are, but is this the best face you can show to the public? Pretend to fucking care. Just for the 15 minutes we have to be around you.
And while I'm at it, even if you don't care what we think of you, at least spare the brain power to acknowledge that we're close by. If you take up most of the aisle— with or without a shopping cart— move to one side or the other when someone else is coming your way. And make sure your kids do so as well. I understand it may take four of you to pick out which flavor of Pebbles cereal to buy, but spreading yourselves across 10 square feet of the aisle isn't going to help. That goes for you people in the electronic scooters too. Whether or not you're genuinely handicapped or your just too fat and lazy to walk, you don't have a free pass to ignore everyone around you.
I've lately grown disgusted with the clientele in my local Stater Bros. Sorry you had to put up with that.
See you soon!
"Courtesy is the one coin you can never have too much of or be stingy with."— John Wanamaker
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